- C: The program sucks quickly.
- C++: The program creates thousands of duplicates, all of which suck.
- Java: The program implements Suckable and sucks on mobile phones.
- C#: The program implements ISuck and sucks on Windows.
- Visual Basic: The program doesn't suck, it blows.
- Pascal: BEGIN The program sucks. END
- Oberon: The program imports modules that suck.
- OCaml: The program matches all input to something that sucks.
- Go 1.x: The program depends on an unknown version of suckage and sucks concurrently.
- Python: If it looks like it sucks, it probably does.
- PHP: The program sucks off strangers on the internet.
- Ruby: The program stops sucking on every update, when it breaks instead.
- Rust: The programming environment has adopted Ruby's winning strategy, but the program itself sucks correctly.